Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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