Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
