Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
