dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
