you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I intend to get homeless drunk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
