Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
