Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
