its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
