I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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