we have pet lesbian snakes
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
