don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
