I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
