he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
