As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
