WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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