Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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