Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize