She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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