Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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