the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
