smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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