i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
