I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
worst night to have a conscience
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
