You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
