The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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