So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
