kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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