A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
