We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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