haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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