on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
