I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
