Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
