Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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