Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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