Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
...so i touched it.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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