Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize