So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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