Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
