Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
