My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
