when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
