I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
