omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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