he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
