FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Randomize
