my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
