it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
