I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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