I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
