so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
