She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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