Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
